Raising Your Standards. How to Navigate Shame and Demand More from Life - 101

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Today, let's talk about raising our standards for ourselves and shame. From my journey and the work I do with my clients, I’ve learned that these two things can’t coexist in a healthy way. If you demand more from life, you must demand more from yourself, which means navigating your shame differently. Allow me to unpack this with you.

Hey, I’m Star Monroe, and this is The Star Monroe Show where we explore all things Main Character Energy so you can strut through the world confident, unbothered and exclusive.

Currently, I’m in Kalkan, a town about 60 minutes from where I live in Turkey. I traveled here by car and booked a house through Airbnb, nestled on top of a mountain with breathtaking views. One thing I crave is new experiences, so I chose this house purposefully.

As with many properties in Turkey, the address wasn’t straightforward. When I finally reached the top of the mountain, I couldn’t find the house. I admired the sea and mountains, then turned around and saw the house perched even higher up, with a nearly vertical road leading to it. I took a deep breath and thought, “How am I going to do this?”

The guy meeting me was waving, confirming I was in the right place. I maneuvered my car, began the steep ascent, but halfway up, my car started skidding. Panic set in. I braked, put the car in park, and felt my heart racing. Tears welled up, a sign from childhood that I’m overwhelmed. But as an adult, I understand I’ve overloaded my bandwidth.

In that moment of overwhelm, the man ran down to help. I felt defensive and scared, projecting my fear onto him. But then I paused and recognized my old patterns—defensiveness as a form of protection. I took a deep breath and said, “I need to do this myself as I need to be able to come and go from this house.”

He respected my wish. I felt scared and vulnerable, but I honored my feelings. This honesty with myself marked a pivotal shift. Instead of shaming myself, I acknowledged my fear and took control. With his guidance, I reversed down the steep road, took another deep breath, and tried again. This time, I made it to the top, feeling victorious.

Standing at the top of that mountain, I realized something profound. High standards aren’t just about the big goals; they’re about how you handle the small moments, how you communicate with yourself, and how you respond to challenges. Demanding more from life means demanding more from yourself—seeing and hearing yourself deeper.

Shame and high standards can’t coexist in a healthy way because shame drags you down, keeping you stuck in old patterns and beliefs. Yet, you can use shame as a springboard to do things differently. Recognize when shame creeps in, and instead of letting it paralyze you, let it propel you. Acknowledge it, understand it, and choose a different path.

Remember, defensiveness is a form of protection. Recognize it, pause, and choose a different response. This is the essence of high standards. It’s not about perfection but about showing up for yourself in every moment, validating and recognizing your own worth.

So, if you want more from life, you must be willing to navigate shame differently. It’s about rewiring your responses, embracing your worth, and consistently choosing to elevate yourself. As you do, you’ll create a lifestyle that supports your highest aspirations.

Until next time, stay fabulous and know your worth.

Star Monroe, esteemed Psychotherapist and Confidence Catalyst, guides highly successful women over 50 who demand more from themselves and life, providing the support and guidance they need to uncover insights they can’t see on their own and transform into unapologetically confident women who know their worth and always get what they want.